When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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