i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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