I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
