Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
