As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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