I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
