omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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