is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
