I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
