Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
