i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
