i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
