Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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