I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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