I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
