I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
