Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
