Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
