If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
