Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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