You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize