i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
