Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
