I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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