but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
