im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
