I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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