she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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