I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
