best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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