Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
