he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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