Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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