When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
