They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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