Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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