One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
