it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
