she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
