hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
