So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
