is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
