it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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