i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
