It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
