Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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