She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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