So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
