You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
