Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
