i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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