just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
