I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
