OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
