Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
