Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
