No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize