based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
