I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Randomize
