I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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