You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
