I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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