OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
