okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize