If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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