So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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