JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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