fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
