i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
