He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
