he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
