The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
