yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
