Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
