it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
