remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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