why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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