Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
