are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
