Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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