that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
sarcasm needs its own font
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
