I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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