I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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