I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Two words: nipple clamps
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