He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So many bounce houses so little time
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
