If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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