Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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