Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
