i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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