So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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