Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
