Soap is not a condiment
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
