so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
