Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
