i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
