That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize