...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
