I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
