i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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